100,001 Funny Quotes

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

“If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?” – Tom Snyder

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch

“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” – Melanie Griffith

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils …” – Louis Hector Berlioz

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain

“Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” – Maryon Pearson

“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” – Douglas Adams

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’”. -Homer Simpson

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” – Jerry Garcia

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