Travel Agent

“I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged) Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.” – Jules Feiffer

“Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” – Richard Bach

“I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.” – Demetri Martin

“Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John Fitzgerald Kennedy

“English – Who needs that? I’m never going to England.” – Homer Simpson

“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.” – Bertrand Russell

“100% of the shots you don’t take don’t go in.” – Wayne Gretzky

“He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.” – Joseph Heller

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.” – Carl Gustav Jung

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